Curiosity Is Safer Than Control

When I reflect on the events that have shaped my life, I notice a pattern.

In the past, I tried to fix everything around me. To control people, outcomes, even energy in the room. I believed that if I could just manage it all, I could prevent certain painful events from happening again.

But all that control came at a cost.

It kept me in a state of fight or flight. My nervous system was always activated. I was constantly scanning for danger, trying to stay one step ahead. And even though I believed I was being proactive, what I was really doing was increasing my stress.

Because the truth is, I don’t have control over what happens five minutes from now. Or ten.
But I do have control over myself. Over how I meet the moment.

Yes, there are ways to shape the environment to support certain outcomes. That’s valid. That’s part of what makes safety possible. But I’ve noticed that’s often where I slip back into old patterns of control instead of leaning into curiosity.

And that’s my practice this year: curiosity.

Instead of assuming I need to be in charge of everything, I’m asking myself why I feel the need to control in the first place.

Why do I want everything to be predictable?

When I look at my past, I remember all the moments I had no control over. Moments shaped by other people’s choices. Situations I couldn’t prevent or prepare for. I never knew when the next wave of pain would hit, so I held my breath.

Now that I’m older, I think I have more control over my life. And in some ways I do. But unpredictability is still here. There’s still so much I can’t manage.

What’s changed is how I relate to that truth.

With curiosity, I can offer myself grace.
I can ask questions instead of casting blame.
I can still strive to be the best version of myself, without the shame spiral of thinking I should’ve done more.

Curiosity keeps me regulated.
It keeps me open.
It helps me stay connected to myself and to others, even when things are messy or uncertain.

It’s not about letting go of all structure.
It’s about letting go of the belief that control equals safety.

Because more often than not, curiosity is safer than control.

Thank you for taking the time to read. If you, or someone you know are in a season of healing, expansion, or simply learning to live with more curiosity, I invite you to follow along. I’ll be sharing bi-weekly reflections, tools, and truths from the journey. You’re not alone.